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3. Would you
like to retire as the household maid?
Today,
most children are provided with amusements and allowances
instead of work and challenge. We have forgotten that
work is a great principle and that those who work
hard reap many benefits. A parent's responsibility
is not to provide an environment of abundance.
Your responsibility as a parent is to see that the
child learns correct principles about life. Provide
for your children an environment of opportunity to
work, not a home where they can sit and be entertained.
Some parents have the tragic idea that they should
give their children everything they themselves didn't
have when they were kids. Being a good parent does
not mean providing everything for the child.
Play
and idleness are not happiness. By indulging our children
we raise indolent, unhappy people and program them
for failure in life. We have raised a generation
of Americans who want to be entertained, who spend
their lives in front of a TV and require greater and
greater stimuli to keep their attention. They say,
''I'm bored!'' These unhappy children have not even
developed the skills to entertain themselves. They
never savor the sweet taste of victory because they
do not struggle.
Put them to work?
YES! Kids who have been required to work, to be
accountable for their choices, and to be responsible
to earn much of what they get become:
1.
more capable, skilled and hard working (confident,
dependable),
2.
wiser in their short and long-term choices (obedient,
defer gratification),
3.
better managers of their time and property (responsible,
thrifty),
4.
more appreciative and considerate of their families
(loving, courteous),
5.
more successful in life (happy, independent),
6.
more respectful of their parents as youth and adults
(thoughtful, kind), and
7.
more able to enjoy better personal relationships (intimacy,
bonding).
Kids who have not been required to work, to
be accountable for their choices, or to be responsible
to earn much of what they get:
1.
lack self-esteem and confidence because they do not
feel capable or skilled,
2.
make poorer choices when faced with short or long-term
problems (little or no training in consequences),
3.
don't manage their time and property well because
they haven't worked to earn what they have and therefore
don't value it highly,
4.
are ungrateful and demanding of their parents and
are usually uncooperative,
5.
are unhappy people who prefer relationships outside
of the family and are often sullen and contentious
with family members,
6.
don't respect their parents highly (as youth or as
adults) and
7.
are more susceptible to peer pressure and are at much
higher risk for becoming involved in drugs and other
antisocial behavior.
What if my kids don't want to work?
If
kids don't want to work, it is because there is no
existing need for them to have to work! Kids
need to have needs! What is the ideal environment
for raising children? One in which there are lots
of opportunities to work! If children have
everything given to them, it destroys their incentive
to work. Why work if everything is provided? Parents
must create a home environment of need. It is not
wrong for children to have needs. They must need some
clothes, toys and money for entertainment so they
will work.
As
they work, they will begin to develop a sense of power,
a sense of independence and confidence that they can
provide for themselves. Work also develops
character, courage, resourcefulness, stamina and a
positive self-image. It is what makes people happy!
Kids should learn to work, sacrifice, save, and defer
gratification. They need to struggle and then taste
success and victory over themselves and their world.
Don't deny them this just so you can feel good about
giving them everything!
Parenting Properly:
It is not always easy, but it is worth it!
Parents
often think they are just wonderful parents because
their kids are not acting out yet. They use incorrect
parenting methods and get away with it because they
are still big enough to force their kids into compliance.
But sooner or later the kids 'present their
bill' for using poor parenting tactics. That 'bill'
is often unbelievably high!
It
really is worth it to parent correctly. It takes planning,
but once in place correct parenting principles pay
huge dividends in healthy child development.
Learning to work is essential
in child development
The
following discussion is presented so that you will
see the importance of the principle of work and its
relationship to the overall development of the child.
Erik
Erickson, one of the greatest developmental psychologists
of our day, taught that the human personality developed
in stages. He believed that at each age level the
child was presented with a developmental crisis.
Ideally,
the child would develop and acquire the skills necessary
to solve the problems presented at each age level.
However, if the child did not face, or solve the problems
presented at each age level, the child would fail
to develop age appropriate skills and would therefore
carry forward to the next developmental level a skill
deficit. In this light one can see the necessity of
allowing children to struggle with age appropriate
problems. 'Rescuing' parents can be very detrimental
to a child's normal development.
When
faced with the world, each child makes certain observations
about people, things, and situations. If the child
was fortunate enough to live in a favorable environment,
he tended to make positive conclusions about people,
things, and situations. If a child was raised in a
dysfunctional situation the child got negative impressions
and had a tendency to draw negative conclusions about
life, people, things and situations. These early conclusions
of the child, about life, people, etc. then became
the basis of that person's adult attitudes and perceptions
about other people, things and situations.
How
to apply these principles to your kids:
Kudos! For Kids system teaches parents how to
get their kids to work, and they are no longer
the household maid. Also as they work, they will
begin to develop a sense of power, a sense of
independence and confidence that they can provide
for themselves.
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